Like Frodo and Sam, the Epic Journey Comes to An End!

So, my brother FINALLY got his wife knocked up. I think that’s got to be a record for the worst shooting percentage in the history of mankind. Him getting her pregnant was like the equivalent of Shaquille O’neal trying to hit a free throw….. with his back turned…. and blind folded…. with Kobe Bryant flashing him from the other side of the court. He tried so many times that he lost 2 inches in the process. …. In his waist, people!! You know, from all the “exercise”. Ahem, anyway back on track. But, I think I now know why he has so much lower back pain these days. It’s his body getting him used to what he’ll feel for many years to come. It’s just starting a little higher. Anyway, I digress

So, I was wondering…. after all this time, why now? What did all those little dudes do to finally stuff her eclair? I’ve come up with a few theories on how they did it.

THE TROJAN HORSE

All the crotch soldiers got together and decided that they would pose as the next egg in line from the ovary. The current egg, tired and dejected, decides to get one more good night sleep in before her long journey to exile. When she fell asleep, they pounced like fleas on a chihuahua.

————————————————————————-

THE BACHELOR
For some reason I think the winner was the one who drives the sports car and has a really long tail.

————————————————————————-

SINGING COMPETITION

Simon, “Your flap was all over the place. The performance was cheesy and it was like something I would have heard from some guy’s sock drawer. It was horrible. Sorry!” The winner performs his soon to be hit single, “With Our Love, Nothing Will De-Fetus”

————————————————————————-

THE FORCE
Many have failed to infiltrate the Birth Star, but there is hope in an unknown, baby-faced swimmer with special abilities and hair that only Dick Van Dyke could appreciate. Unfortunately though, this leads to the MUCH longer, and more daunting sequel, “The Embryo Strikes Back”.

————————————————————————-

No matter how they did it, they accomplished the goal AT LAST! Congratulations!! So here’s to you, legion of fertilization, for your perseverance in the face of impossible odds. We salute you!